WWE: Kane (Glenn Jacobs) Plans to Burn the Competition Alive in Mayoral Race
On Tuesday, WWE wrestling legend Kane (Glenn Jacobs) will be sitting at home with his family anxiously awaiting the results for the mayoral race in Knox County, TN.
If all goes according to plan, Kane (formerly Isaac Yankee, D.D.S.) will reign as the supreme leader of a segment of the population.
Is that a scary thought to you?
If so, check this out:
From all accounts, Kane is one of the most well-read and smartest of all of the wrestlers, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he wants to venture into political avenues now that his wrestling career is winding down.
But this is also the guy who set poor J.R. on fire, impregnated Lita against her will, tortured Shane McMahon with a battery, and assaulted numerous men and women on the roster.
He even locked the Undertaker (his brother) in a casket and burned him alive.
I’ve been more hesitant to forgive than most, but a voice of reason has spoken to help qualm the fears of the masses.
The Nature Boy has spoken:
Tomorrow Is The Big Day For My Good Friend Glenn Jacobs! He Is Running For Mayor Of Knoxville So Go Out And Vote For Him Tomorrow! He Is A Very Respected Man Who Will Do Great Things For The City Of Knoxville! #knoxcounty #jacobsformayor #togetherwewin @GlennJacobsTN pic.twitter.com/kzcnsl4mX0
— Ric Flair® (@RicFlairNatrBoy) April 30, 2018
On his website, Kane has a list of promises to the Knox County people if elected, and it’s a surprisingly reasonable list.
- Renewed focus on quality of education
- Continue to attract new jobs to the area
- Improve our roads and infrastructure
- Full and absolute transparency
- Work to create safer communities
- A fresh outlook on limited government
As a libertarian, Kane has a live-and-let-live approach, based strongly on personal responsibility, smaller government, and community.
I would like to add three more points to the list.
- Don’t clean up after your dog, your ass is on fire.
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Masks will be optional for all.
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Funerals proceedings to be overseen personally by Kane himself.
Look, I don’t know the political spectrum in Nashville, TN (though I assume they lean heavily to the right), but they seem to be a reasonable sort.
Vote for Kansas the mayor of Knox County… Or Rest in Peace.
Really, though, vote for him because I need the content.