More Evidence that Tom Brady is an Android

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Tom Brady is an android.

I’m not even sure if that’s honestly debatable anymore.

It’s a tale as old as time. When Bill Belichick was coaching wide receivers in Detroit in 1977, he led a secret project to create the ultimate quarterbacking android, which he codenamed Tom Brady.

If the Tom Brady project had been ready a couple of years earlier, the Browns would be the dominant franchise in sports.

More evidence to this theory came out on Monday when two pieces of information came out.

The first was when photos of his alleged “cut” came out on Twitter that nearly cause him to miss time in the playoffs… Or so they would have had you believe.

Look at that blood mess of a hand. He threw the ball with that hand for nearly 800 yards in the two games after it.

If I had that cut, I might just assume I would lose it.

That’s what separates humans from android: The ability to feel pain.

If you look close enough, you can see a little wiring in that black abyss.

When the Late Show with Stephen Colbert aired later that night, Tom Brady once again showed his robotic hand a bit too much.

Folks, I can chug a beer. It’s one of the best things I do as a person, and you can use that piece of information to make all the assumptions about me you need.

But it’s out there in the open now.

What Tom Brady did wasn’t chugging a beer.

He basically just poured it completely out but inside of himself.

There was no resistance at all.

I need there to be some type of resistance. Got to have resistance. Can’t get enough resistance.

One time for me, Tom, one time for me be a human.

You have to show a flaw every now and then, or your plan is going to get flagged by everyone else.

In 15 years, Tom Brady will finally step away from football, not because he will have broken down or because the game will have passed him by, but because he will have recorded enough information about humanity to continue his quest for worldwide domination.

And we’re sitting around like ASSHOLES watching him do it.