The Best and Worst from the Academy Awards

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The easiest way to describe this year’s Academy Awards ceremony would be predictable.

There wasn’t a moment in last night’s festivities that could come close to last year’s snafu.

But that doesn’t mean they didn’t run jokes about it into the ground. All. Night. Long.

For the most part, the predicted winners took home Oscars.

Still, it wasn’t as if nothing happened throughout the hours and hours of the broadcast.

Here are the biggest takeaways from the 90th Academy Awards:

Taraji P. Henson Placed a Curse on Ryan Seacrest

I can’t proclaim to be a prophet or a genius or anything of that nature.

What I do know to be 100% fact, however, is that Taraji P. Henson placed a curse on Ryan Seacrest before the Academy Awards.

https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/970460900649029634

That look, that touch, that smirk, all classic signs of a curse.

Ryan Seacrest has been in some hot water lately thanks to some unsavory allegations.

Now, his life is in a much more precarious situation due to the Henson Curse.

What does this mean?

Aside from possible lightning strikes or falling pianos, it was a very clear warning from women everywhere that even people as famous as Ryan Seacrest

Kobe Wins an Oscar

That’s such a weird sentence that it feels like I’m in the Twilight Zone.

Kobe Bryant, NBA MVP, future NBA Hall of Famer, 5x NBA Champion, Oscar winner.

His animated short film Dear Basketball beat out a few other animated shorts that most have not seen.

It’s more of a niche Oscar, but for the people vying for it, it’s still the culmination of a lifetime’s worth of work.

When Kobe’s name was announced as the winner, the crowd erupted for the for the former LA Laker.

On Twitter, people were less thrilled:

https://twitter.com/SeanFennessey/status/970488812055838720

https://twitter.com/MrDanZak/status/970489278877794304

https://twitter.com/keithlaw/status/970488922404020224

And for a year with such an emphasis on the #metoo movement, the recent successes of women in Hollywood, and the outing of so many people who have done very bad things, it felt weird to see the crowd triumphantly cheer for someone who was arrested and charged in a rape case.

Forget it, Taylor. It’s Hollywood.

Women from a Bygone Era

One of the most interesting aspects of Academy Awards ceremony was the number of older woman from Hollywood’s past that were brought back and honored.

The amazing Helen Mirren, for example, was used as the model for a jet ski gag that was used over and over throughout the night.

Eva Marie Saint, who is older than the Academy Awards, was brought back to announce the winner for best costume design, and she took that opportunity to relive through the glamorous years of her life.

I could have listened to this woman babble on about her glory days for the full extent of the show.

Rita Moreno showed up wearing the same dress she wore back in 1962.

These are just a few of the women who were honored throughout the night, and they were some of the real highlights.

Jimmy Kimmel’s Zany Prank

I like Jimmy Kimmel.

He’s generally been a great host for the Academy Awards, and he’s always been a known prankster.

When he’s hosting, you can bet he’ll slip some grand gesture in for laughs.

This year’s stunt was as bad as any I’ve ever seen.

The self-importance of Kimmel and his peers made me want to crawl under my seat.

I get that they’re famous and even beloved.

But they waltzed in there as if they were making the lives of these people.

I don’t know why, but that shit irked me a bit.

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph Steal the Show

A lot of actors and actresses came out and made jokes and tried to be funny.

The problem is most of them simply weren’t.

And there’s nothing more awkward than people trying to be funny and failing.

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph did not have the problem.

They murdered the crowd, almost giving Sam Rockwell an aneurism in the process.

Key and Peele Have Their Moment

While he didn’t win the Best Director Academy Award, Jordan Peele was still able to pull off Best Original Screenplay for Get Out.

Peele was thrilled, and it was a monumental win for people of color and supporters of Get Out.

But it was even more monumental for his long-time comedy partner Keegan-Michael Key.

That dude’s best friend won an Oscar, and he was so hyped for him that he was in tears.

https://twitter.com/waouwwaouw/status/970663423070613507

That’s just a beautiful moment that we were able to witness.

Frances McDormand’s Speech

Everyone knew Frances McDormand was winning Best Actress.

It was one of the sure locks in the competition this year.

And with it came the speech that everyone was cautiously awaiting.

This was the speech that will be in the montages for years to come.

It was powerful and defining of the feminism movement that is currently taking place.

Also, her laugh is fucking terrifying, so people were probably afraid to not stand and applaud.

Montages

I am fucking out on montages.

They had like a million of them.

It was far too much.

Guillermo del Toro Wins the Big Ones

What an incredibly nice moment for such a universally loved dude.

There are few people who truly have a universal approval rating, but Guillermo de Toro is right at the top of people in Hollywood.

He creates these fantastic fantasy worlds with monsters that he humanizes.

His Magnum Opus, Pan’s Labyrinth, didn’t reach the pinnacle that it should’ve, but The Shape of Water didn’t miss the mark.

He swept Best Director and Best Picture on Sunday night.

By winning Best Director, the “Three Amigos,” best friends and directors Guillermo, Alfonso Cuarón, and Alejandro González Iñárritu, all have the major award to their names, giving Mexico four of the last five Best Director nods.

He’s excitable, lovable, utterly brilliant, and emotional, and it’s hard not to get emotional with him when he speaks.

I keep seeing people on Twitter saying that this is the Academy Awards making their triumphant return to “Old Hollywood.”

But that’s just a trash take.

The fantasy film about the love between a mute woman and a fish person is the furthest thing in the world from “Old Hollywood.”

It’s a check in the win department for creativity and creative peoples and it should be a driving force for the next generation.

They don’t have to settle for what has been done before.

They can forge their own path in their own way and find triumph waiting for them in the end.

And that’s all that was notable from the Academy Awards.

This basically just saved you three hours.

You’re welcome.