‘Succession’ Style Midseason NFL Awards
The Five Star General Award (Coach of the Year)
Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh
Every organization needs a leader, no matter how dysfunctional. Like the Roys, the Steelers are no strangers to internal squabbling and drama. In fact, they seem to thrive off it, playing some of their best football in the face of the biggest controversies.
The 2019 season has been. Starting quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been sidelined since halftime in week two. His replacement, Mason Rudolph, has been in and out of the lineup with injuries of his own.
This, of course, is off the heels of an off-season that saw one of the club’s best players (Antonio Brown) exiled to Oakland.
One of these events would be enough to sink the fortunes of less cohesive teams. Tomlin has been able to keep them focused, and the Steelers are still lurking in the playoff picture.
Runner up: Matt LaFleur, Green Bay
The Techno Gatsby Award (MVP)
Lamar Jackson, Baltimore
We got a glimpse last year. Now, the Louisville product has taken his game to another level and made John Harbaugh’s promise that the Ravens offense would be “unlike anything ever seen in the NFL” look a little less like hubris.
The fleet-footed Jackson is must-see TV every time he has the ball in his hands. There are other players having good seasons, but Jackson’s case is unique in that the Ravens’ offense has been specifically built around his strengths; it’s highly doubtful they could sustain the same level of success without him.
Runner up: Deshaun Watson, Houston
The Gerri Killman Award (Executive of the Year)
John Lynch, San Francisco
Since his hiring in September 2017, Lynch’s 49ers have made a seemingly overnight leap from rebuilding to contender.
The former NFL player turned TV analyst turned general manager helped San Francisco make that leap through shrewd acquisitions (signing free agent Tevin Coleman) and doubling down on speed upfront on defense (selecting DE Nick Bosa with the second overall pick).
As a result, the team is off to a blazing start (8-0, through the first half of the season). If early returns are to be believed, his trade deadline acquisition of wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders may be the cherry on top.
Runner up: Eric DeCosta, Baltimore
The Thank You For the Chicken Award (Comeback Player of the Year)
Teddy Bridgewater, New Orleans
It’s not easy to replace Drew Brees, but the man known as “Touchdown Teddy” did a reasonable facsimile during the time the future Hall-of-Famer was sidelined. He posted a 9-2 TD-to-INT ratio and went 5-0, more than keeping the Saints’ title hopes afloat.
Of course, any modicum of success is a substantial development for Bridgewater, who has been battling back from the career-threatening injury he sustained during a 2016 practice.
Like poor Tom Wambsgans, Bridgewater hopes that next season holds bigger and better things. His competent play in relief should warrant a look somewhere.
Runner up: Jimmy Garoppolo, San Francisco
The Electric Circus Award (Offensive Player of the Year)
Russell Wilson, Seattle
Is it possible that Russell Wilson is still underrated? Despite quietly building his Canton resume, it seems he is rarely mentioned in the top dog discussions.
Well, perhaps this is the season that perception changes, as Wilson is on pace for what would be a monster season even by his lofty standards. With 22 touchdown passes, he’s on pace to blow past the 35 he threw last season, a career-high.
With the Seahawks signing of Josh Gordon, the outlook can only get rosier for this already-explosive offense in the season’s second half.
Runner up: Christian McCaffrey, Carolina
The Greg Sprinkles Award (Defensive Player of the Year)
New England Patriots Defense (collective)
Why Greg Sprinkles? Because it is a fantastic quote and that simply could not have gone unused. And, let’s be honest, the formula for tabulating the real-life DPOY award is an ambiguous exercise at best.
Defense is a product of both scheme and circumstance. For instance, a defensive end playing on a stacked D-line receives less double teams and posts more sacks than, say, an Aaron Donald who is often the recipient of double coverage. So, who was more valuable to their team?
For that reason, I felt the nomination that would best encapsulate the 2019 season would be the NFL’s most consistently badass defense. Sure, their schedule has been patsy-loaded, but they’ve done what good teams should do: steamroll all patsies.
Runner up: Aaron Donald, Los Angeles Rams
The Throw Away the Training Bra Award (Rookie of the Year)
Josh Jacobs, Oakland (offensive)
With Minshew Mania fading, Jacobs is positioned to quite literally run away with this award. He has incredibly already broken the Raiders rookie record for rushing yards (740 yards on 152 attempts, 4.9 YPC).
His hard-nosed style of play fits right in with the smash-mouth style of football John Gruden envisioned. Jacobs is so hardcore, he declared his ailing shoulder would “have to be broke” for him not to suit up.
Runner up: D.K. Metcalf, Seattle
Nick Bosa, San Francisco (defensive)
The younger Bosa has backed up his high draft pedigree by stuffing the statsheet like he was Cousin Greg (sorry, Gregory!) stuffing incriminating documents into his jacket.
To date, Bosa has seven sacks, a forced fumble and a highlight-worthy interception against Carolina. His addition to the 49ers defensive line truly makes them terrifying off the edges.
Runner up: Brian Burns, Jacksonville
The My Dad’s Plan Was Better Award (Word Coaching Performance)
Matt Nagy, Chicago
Nagy is living proof that sometimes you CAN be too smart for your own good. And sometimes, all the trick plays and misdirection in the world can’t beat the good old fashioned lining up the ball in the I-formation and running the damn.
A supposed offensive guru, Nagy has lead Daaaa Bears to a 3-5 debacle that has them firmly entrenched in the NFC North basement. Franchise quarterback Mitch Trubisky has looked so lost, there’s been clamoring to bench him for career backup Chase Daniel.
Runner up: Jay Gruden/Bill Callahan, Washington
The Dumpster Fire Pirate Death Ship Award (Most Disappointing Season)
Baker Mayfield, Cleveland
Like Shiv, Mayfield began the season with designs of conquest. It is fair to say that things have taken a decidedly downward turn for both parties.
Poor offensive line play and questionable play-calling have been partial culprits. They’ve come up consistently empty in the red zone, coming away with a touchdown on just 46.15% (25th). That’s unacceptable for an offense that has so many talented playmakers.
Runner up: Melvin Gordon, Los Angeles Chargers
The Boar on the Floor Award (Most Embarrassing Moment)
Sam Darnold, NY Jets — The Ghost Game
It may be a lost season, but Jets fans were probably at least excited to chronicle the development of their sophomore franchise quarterback. It is fair to declare that excitement is probably dead.
So far, the likely nadir was the Jets’ Week 7 thrashing at the hands of the New England Patriots. By the end of the game, Darnold wore a face that looked equally-despondent to Kendall Roy’s in the rehab center. Darnold was even picked up on the microphones saying “I’m seeing ghosts out there.” Yikes.
Runner Up: Saquon Barkley looking less explosive than a stray cat on national TV
Logan Roy School of Journalism (Worst Broadcast Moment)
Anyone in that Monday Night Football booth on ESPN…